One of the ways our pain surfaces to let us know what is buried within us is in the stories we tell ourselves and others. Earlier this week, I was speaking to someone who had a falling out with a friend and I asked her how she would go about manifesting a new friend. She told me, “That’s difficult because so many people just stab you in the back.”
And there it was. She had experienced so many betrayals in her life and her mind had collected all of the evidence for why she couldn’t seem to make a friend.
There are a couple of metaphysical concepts at play here.
One is that our “pain is the difference between ‘what is’ and ‘what we want it to be’” and the second is that “no two things can occupy the same space at the same time.”
Typically, the negative beliefs we carry are buried within our subconscious and what holds a thought or belief in place is either a positive or negative charged energy…in essence, an emotion tied to the event.
When we experience events in our lives and we have not learned how to process these energies, they get stuck. Emotions are designed to be much like food. They are designed to be experienced, processed and released. When the emotion is fully released, that experience becomes wisdom. It does not become a layer of a wall that slowly becomes a prison for us.
People who have layers upon layers of negative experience, but never learned how to process their emotions of sadness, grief, disappointment, hurt, fear, shame, embarrassment, frustration, etc. unconsciously create beliefs which prevent them from moving forward in their lives in ways they cannot even imagine. They get stuck in the negative aspects of their emotional foundations and perpetuate the same kinds of experiences again and again, which further reinforces their view of reality.
They create stories around why their lives are the way they are. They will often remind others who they feel have hurt them by saying things like, “Remember when you did this to me?”
It’s important to be aware that your pain isn’t in the other person. Your pain is within you and no one else can heal your pain. To hold another responsible for healing your pain is an abdication of your own power.
That doesn’t mean that you have to heal things yourself. Quite often, the pain you carry is buried so deep that even the story you’re telling is tied to a deeper level of pain and when you heal that, the wisdom of all of the similar experiences is revealed to you. To heal that level of pain requires help, a counselor or coach who has healed to that level themselves and can gently guide you down through those layers of pain.
A Certified Spiritual Life Coach that I highly recommend is Lillian Pederson. You can contact her through her website or Facebook.
It is critical to release the pain you carry BEFORE you try to create your desired experience. As I said earlier, the pain buried in the subconscious has already created a perception of reality and until that pain is released, any attempt to “think positively” will fail to meet the level of change desired.
Once you release the pain, it becomes almost obvious why certain events happened the way they did. That is…as long as you can accept one other basic metaphysical principle — that every experience you have had in this lifetime was designed for the growth of your soul.
When you begin to look at your life from the perspective of the soul, it is easier to detach yourself from the emotions of the persona you’ve taken on in this life to experience different sides of a situation.
This doesn’t mean that sometimes when you heal something within you, that the relationship which triggered it continues. Sometimes you leave a situation because you have learned the lesson and you no longer need to expose yourself to someone else who hasn’t healed their pain.
The easiest way you can discern this is if you are still telling the stories. If you are, there is still pain buried within you to be healed and if you don’t heal it, you will simply manifest another person or situation into your life to heal it.
Here’s an exercise to do this week.
1. Pick an area of your life that is not working well and consider what stories you tell yourself or others.
2. Write out one of those stories.
3. Write out all of the feelings that come up when you recall the story.
4. Where in your body do you feel each feeling?
Write down where you feel each feeling and what it feels like. This is important to take note of because it’s important to retrain your mind to take note of the emotion rather than get caught up in the story. Thinking about the story is the ego defense your mind created in the first place because it didn’t know how to face and process the feeling.
5. Let’s say that one of the feelings is disappointment. Feel where you feel this in your body and lean into that feeling as much as you can. Breathe deeply and just feel it.
6. A technique that helps some people is to verbally tone out a sound such as an extended AAAAHHHH (the sound of relief) or a long OM tone. The vibration of the tone helps jar the emotion of the place where it resides.
7. Keep breathing, leaning into the feelings and using the tone until you feel less tension in the feeling.
8. Another technique I’ve used with some clients is to have them visualize the tightness they feel of the emotion as a dark cloud within the body and to breathe white light into that feeling until the cloud is gone.
There is no right way. Play with different techniques to find what works for you.
Once you release the energy, also make a commitment to yourself to stop telling the same old stories.
Create the story the way you want it to be and accept that the story you used to tell was for the evolution of your soul. When you have released enough of the old pain, what you learned will most likely be evident.
Namaste
Jeff
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Jeff Scholl is a Certified Spiritual Life Coach through Holistic Learning Centers and a Board-Certified Holistic Health Practitioner through the American Association of Drugless Practitioners.
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