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Our Greatest Opportunity for Growth

I had no intention of writing today, but was scrolling through my Facebook feed and ran across a question posed of, “What would you never do again?”

As I was scrolling through the answers, I came across many women that said, “Marry (or date) again.”

My heart was saddened in reading this as relationships offer us the greatest opportunity for growth. Yes, they are challenging, but when we embrace the emotions they surface within us, we find that our partners are simply reflecting the very energies we need to heal in order to grow, thrive and enjoy life to the fullest.

If we believe that it is not safe for us to open our hearts to love, then we are also cutting ourselves off from God/Source, because love doesn’t flow to us from someone else. It flows through us.

Certainly, if someone is an abusive relationship, they should leave that situation. But let’s be real about how most people get into those relationships to begin with. More often than not, we start the relationship based on false hopes.

“He/she is different.”

“She/he just needs someone to love them.”

“He/she/they are misunderstood.”

These are usually red flags we ignore because our hearts have already been hurt and because we did not know how to heal our pain; we convinced ourselves that we just need to find a different person and they will not treat us the same way our ex did…or our father/mother did…or our siblings did.

But here’s the hard truth. The pain is ours. It’s within us and when we deny, minimize, avoid or repress our pain, it has a couple of negative repercussions in our lives.

First, that pain hardens our heart. It blocks us from being able to receive the experience, the feeling of love. We may be able to open it up a little bit, but mostly we spend time talking to our friends about what he/she did, how they treated us, what he/she/they said, how much it hurt us…and the very fact that we’re telling those stories are evidence that we carry the pain within us.

Second, to the extent of the pain we carry, we limit our ability to either believe in or attract the love we truly desire. We may indeed attract someone who is better than the last person, but the pain we carry is certain to be reflected back to us at some point.

When two people enter a relationship knowing this however, they can help each other work through their pain without becoming entangled in the drama of it all.

I will say that doing this is in some ways harder than listening to the ego when it gets scared or hurt and just wants to walk away from it all. But as I heard someone say recently, “Pick your hard.”

Decide if you want to walk away from all forms of romantic relationships and be alone. I’ve seen many people do this, but they’ve also shared with me how painful this is. They chose this path because they had been through so many relationship that didn’t work out and they didn’t know how to change the outcome.

Decide if you want to stay in a relationship that isn’t fulfilling to you. Perhaps you’ve chosen to stay because you feel it would be disruptive for your children…or you would miss your in law family…or you are afraid of losing the financial security.

Or…possibly decide that you are willing to put your entire being into healing your inner self so that you can finally understand why your relationships have unfolded as they have. You can peel away the layers of hurt around your heart a little at a time and understand how to perceive all of your relationships as your reflections instead of your struggles.

Just making this one change in perception empowers you.

When you wake up to the fact that you and you alone have always had the power to change your experience, you stop focusing on what others or aren’t doing. You are more easily able to let go of people in your life who aren’t willing to grow with you, because you know…down deep in a way you can’t quite explain to anyone else that when you heal and grow and change, your reflection will also change. When you feel safe enough to fully open your heart, the Universe responds by bringing new opportunities into your life to experience that level of love.  

Maybe it happens in your current relationship in ways you can’t even envision right now.

This is true for all forms of relationships; romantic, parent/child, siblings, friends…even in your workplace. All form the hologram of our lives which is always, constantly reflecting back to us the parts of ourselves we have yet to heal.

I completely understand the people who have chosen to give up, to never try again. I just want to help them understand that they have an option…an option to heal, grow and thrive…in love.




© 2024. All rights reserved.

Jeff Scholl is a Certified Spiritual Life Coach through Holistic Learning Centers and a Board-Certified Holistic Health Practitioner through the American Association of Drugless Practitioners.


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