I have long known I'm not perfect. I'm not the perfect writer, coach, husband, father, son, manager or employee. I know I can be too hard on myself and that may come out sometimes as being hard on others. Until someone told me I was hard on myself, I didn't realize how hard I was likely being on others though. I realized it because I know we project out what's inside of us.
When I first saw the below photo, I resonated with it right away because I felt like that was what was happening most of the time. I had a storm going on within me and I was blasting out energy into my world, which would then be reflected back to me and start the whole cycle over again.
There were other days, I felt trapped and stuck which is what this picture felt like:
When I went through the Self-Mastery process many years ago and became a Certified Spiritual Life Coach, I was practicing Self-Love on a daily basis. Somewhere along the way, I was feeling so good, I stopped. I guess I thought I was done.
But to be alive is to be ever growing, ever changing and learning to love ourselves at higher and higher levels. Loving ourselves does not mean being selfish. We cannot give to others that which we don't first give ourselves. As Gary Chapman taught me in "The Five Love Languages," I couldn't give love to others if my love tank was empty.
But it is not my wife's job to fill my love tank. It's my job to do that.
I was meditating the other day and realized that I haven't given love to myself for so long that it had slowly eroded my ability to effectively give to others. It meant that I was reacting too much in the moment instead of being able to listen and respond with love, understanding and compassion.
I confessed that last night to my wife and that I know I haven't been the best husband and that it wasn't her fault or our daughter's fault or anyone else. It's not about blame or finding fault, but it is about taking responsibility and I am the only one who can be responsible for my own happiness.
To be honest with you, I'm not sure what that really looks like yet. But I know the way I've been living for the past few years isn't the right path for me. So I'm making some changes and I will be writing about what those are as I progress and sharing with you what is helping me make those changes.
I know the Perfect Me already exists within me. I just have to let my true self out where he can be seen so that others may be inspired to do the same as Marianne Williamson taught me so many years ago.
I know one thing for sure. I resisted growing for a long time, partly because I was embarrassed and ashamed that I had wasted so much time not doing the things I knew I needed to be doing.
There's no way for me to tell you what those things are for you. Each of us has this little voice within us always nudging us in the right direction. That voice doesn't judge us. If we feel judged, that's not the right voice. That's a voice we need to heal and release.
Through Self-Mastery, I learned how to distinguish the loving voice from the judgmental voice. But it takes practice to hear it, because as even I have learned, if you don't practice, the noise of the storm will drown out the quiet loving voice.
I hope my voice will find those who need a lighthouse every bit as much as I have needed those that have found me.