In my first post in this series, I talked about the energies present at birth which make up the foundation of our personality, both positively and negatively. Our caretakers during early childhood also contribute to how we see our reflection in the world.
Psychological studies have concluded that our personalities are formed between birth and 5-6 years of age. How safe, loved, accepted and confident in the world can often be traced to how chaotic our lives were in this phase of our lives. And remember, it’s not just about what happened, who said or did what to you…or didn’t say or do to you; it’s what you perceived about your life that sets the stage for how you show up later in life.
My own life was fairly chaotic during this phase of my life as my parents divorced at 2 and though my mother remarried when I was 4, we were constantly on the move about every 2-3 years until about 9th grade. This affected my ability to create lasting lifelong friendships. My sister, on the other hand, went to the same elementary school, junior high and high school with the same friend groups her whole life. Conversely, even though we essentially grew up in the same house; we had very different childhoods.
The benefit for me came later in life as I joined the military and it was easy, if not downright normal for me to live a nomadic life while in the Navy. I talked to many fellow sailors who struggled with it as they had lived in the same place all of their lives, so picking up and moving every few months or years was challenging for them.
As I noted in my last post, almost everyone had some form of dysfunction in their childhoods. I also want to note that this process is not about blaming our parents or caretakers for what they did or did not do in our childhoods. They had their own challenges and were dealing with those the best they could. But the truth of it is that they unconsciously passed down their trauma to us unless they had worked to heal that before becoming parents. After being a Spiritual Life Coach for almost 20 years, I have never spoken to anyone, client or not, who had parents who did this, aside from my colleagues who, like me, are parents.
Your healing journey is about you…not your parents, so I actively discourage my clients from talking too much about what they perceived during their childhood with their parents, because I can assure you that your parents had a very different perception of what happened. They may also feel defensive about your perception and unless they are on their own healing journey, those conversations typically don’t help you heal. It can actually exacerbate those feelings.
I can tell you that if you have not healed your innermost negative perceptions of yourself formed in early childhood, those beliefs are playing themselves out in your current relationships, career, health, etc.
Think of it as the operating system in your mind; something running in the background that creates the backdrop of your life. This operating system is loaded with unconscious beliefs which are either positively or negatively charged with emotional energies and it is these energetic charges which attract experiences into your life.
If you spend your life reacting to what shows up, while you may make improvements if you never heal the core set of beliefs running in the background, most of what shows up in your life will be the same. When you live this way, then you fall into the trap of thinking things like “I married the wrong person,” “My manager doesn’t appreciate me,” “I have no control over what’s happening,” “I feel lost,” etc.
These are all thoughts of someone who feels disempowered in their life…and this is the biggest error in thought to overcome.
Because the truth, as hard as it may be for you to accept, is that you are a powerful creator.
You either create your life consciously and simply take note of what shows up in order to adjust your energetic signature…or you are reacting to what shows up and stuck on the hamster wheel without fully understanding how to create something different without changing jobs, spouses, moving to new places, etc.
It’s not that changing a job, spouse or where you live is a bad thing; but if you do these things as a means of escaping a situation and yet do not change the energetically charged belief within you which attracted that situation in the first place, you can be assured that it will simply show up in another form.
Studies have shown that the average person thinks more than 6,000 thoughts per day and if you have not healed your “operating system,” then about 80% of those are negatively charged beliefs based on fear instead of love. Those thoughts running in the background aren’t 6000 independent thoughts. It’s more like an endless loop tape of variations of the same beliefs.
When you make those thoughts conscious enough so you can hear them and most importantly feel the emotion connected to them, you can release the emotion from the first time you remember feeling it and then replace it with a thought reflecting one of self-love and acceptance.
Remember, a belief is simply a practiced thought. When we formed beliefs as children, we unconsciously practiced the same fear-based beliefs over and over as a means of dealing with the circumstances in our lives. When we heal the belief we formed and then practice a new thought based in love; a new empowering belief is formed and you start attracting different opportunities. Once you experience life from the perspective that you are actually creating these opportunities, things start to get really interesting.
As this is a lot to take in, we’ll stop here for today. But as today is Independence Day in the United States, can you think of a better time to start freeing yourself from your past?
Open your journal and answer these questions:
1. What limiting beliefs do you feel your parents passed down to you? Look at their lives for clues and what patterns you may see in your own lives which may be similar.
2. Pick one situation in your life for which you have tried to change it many times and consider how you feel when you are in the midst of that situation? Angry, Frustrated, Embarrassed, Worried?
a. Now think about the first time in your life you remember feeling this way and journal about everything you remember about that.
b. If intense feelings come up, feel them as intensely as you can. I heard Robert Downey Jr. describe this as “hugging a cactus.” Embrace the pain, feel it as much as you can, breathe deeply into it and release it with the sound of “Ahhhh.” Do this out loud several times and it will help release that old stuck energy.
c. Repeat this process until you have flushed out everything you can.
3. Now think back to that original situation. How would you have wanted that child to feel? Loved, safe, accepted? Identify the feeling and then practice the positive thought with the supporting emotion at least 3-5 times holding the feeling of this emotion for at least 20-30 seconds each time.
4. Repeat this process for 3-4 weeks as this is how long it typically takes to form a new habit and this is an opportunity for you to consciously form a new habit based on your own self-worth.
Contact me with any questions. I offer a complimentary introductory session that is typically used to lay the groundwork and help clients see just how much unconscious energy is holding them back in their lives. Also, understanding that the cost of living has gone up, I have cut my prices significantly to offset that and also offer lower per session prices when group packages are purchased in advance.
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Jeff Scholl is a Certified Spiritual Life Coach through Holistic Learning Centers and a Board-Certified Holistic Health Practitioner through the American Association of Drugless Practitioners.
Learn more at: https://www.apathtopeace.org/