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How We Deal with Problems

My company has an online help and societal forum to discuss teams and how to better accomplish our shared mission. This week, someone posted a question about how to help someone who had a problem when it conflicted with his own deeply held beliefs. He wouldn’t go so far as to actually provide the real example for a couple of days of discussion, but I suspected early on where this was all going.

Because I have been meditating for about an hour a day this week, I was able to respond each time from a place of love, understanding and compassion; which is also what I was advising him for his real issue. What eventually came out was his frustration and confusion about people identifying as non-binary. He made a statement that I knew to be false right away saying that he wasn’t aware of any science that revealed anything but the states of male and female. And there it was yet again, someone claiming to be knowledgeable on a topic, but operating from a limited understanding.

I shared something personal by telling him that I was born with an extra “X” chromosome, making me an XXY individual which has been proven to me through DNA testing. This means that there are individuals (statistics show this happens in about 1 in every 600 males) who do not fall into the XX or XY categories and if you do just a little bit of research, you will find that there are more variations than that.

What happened though is unfortunately typical of what happens when someone who is not open to actual facts or science receives information that conflicts with their belief. He then sought to try to ridicule me.

If I was the person I was even five years ago, I would have been offended. But I am not. I have learned that people who do these things are simply seeking to bring me down to their level so they can then point to whatever I come back with and criticize that behavior. They do this unconsciously to stay in a perceived place of power…to be able to manipulate and control.

The straight, white patriarchy has been in control of how things are for thousands of years and all of this is changing because for any group to be in control means that the Earth is out of balance.

The Earth herself is raising her vibration and everyone on it is receiving these signals, which causes them to be uncomfortable if they have not begun their own healing process.

Everything we see happening on the planet is evident when viewed through this lens. Any country, government, religion, etc. will be in a continual state of unrest until balance is achieved. For those caught up in it, all they want is for things to go back to “normal.” They pine for the “good old days” when they were in control and not being forced to grow.

Fortunately, we are not and cannot go back; because many were suffering in those times.

There are some on this planet, especially the older generations who may choose not to evolve. But just as this gentleman did this week, they reveal themselves for who and what they are. They see “others” as the problem, not their own lack of growth.

How we deal with problems…matters and how I dealt with this problem last week revealed to me that I’ve evolved more than I’ve given myself credit for.

The question isn’t whether we are or are not going to have problems.

We are going to have them.

The question is can we deal with those problems from a place of love, understanding and compassion?

In the end, whether our problems arise in our relationships, business or even the relationship we have with ourselves and how we speak to ourselves; how we handle the problems determines whether we are flowing downstream with the evolution of our planet or fighting to swim back upstream which only creates suffering.

To close today, I want to leave you with a parable I heard many years ago.


There’s an old story about a farmer who went to the Buddha seeking help for his problems.

Either droughts or monsoons made his work difficult, he complained. What’s more, he grumbled, even though he loved his wife, there were certain things about her he wanted to change. Likewise, his children- yes, he loved them, but they weren’t turning out quite the way he wanted.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t help you,” the Buddha told the farmer.

“What do you mean?” railed the farmer. “You’re supposed to be the great One, the all-wise and knowing Teacher!”

“All human beings have 83 problems,” the Buddha replied. “A few problems may go away, but soon enough others will arise. So we’ll always have 83 problems.”

The farmer asked indignantly, “Then what’s the good of all your teaching?”

The Buddha answered, “My teaching can’t help with your unique set of 83 problems because that’s why you incarnated to experience them, but perhaps my teaching can help you with your 84th problem?”

“What’s that?” asked the farmer.

“The 84th problem is that you don’t want to have any problems.”

When we accept that life is going to bring us problems and we endeavor to Be Love both with ourselves and others in how we handle these problems, that’s what people will remember.

That’s how we touch other’s lives and this is how we change the world.

In your journal, write how you handled any of your unique set of 83 problems this week.

For any of these that in retrospect you wish you would have done it differently, write out you would have wanted that situation to go.

Don’t focus so much on changing what the other person did or said.

Focus on what you would have felt to enable you to respond differently.

For example, if you didn’t feel safe to respond with confidence, then write about what it would feel like to feel safe.

For me, when I feel safe, I feel at peace in my body. I focus on a still lake within my being and no matter what is happening outside of me, that lake stays calm. I let the waves of others’ emotions wash past me instead of getting caught up in their emotional upset.

We are able to respond with what we practice and we must practice it until it becomes second nature so it then becomes our first response.

Make a great week!



© 2023. All rights reserved.

Jeff Scholl is a Certified Spiritual Life Coach through Holistic Learning Centers and a Board-Certified Holistic Health Practitioner through the American Association of Drugless Practitioners.


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